Growing Happiness

It did not happen overnight

and it was not given to me by another.

I am the maker of the happiness and love growing within me.

~Yung Pueblo

Boom. This quote. So simple, yet so powerful. “…it was not given to me by another….”

How many times have you looked to someone else to make you feel happy? To make you feel loved?

Taking personal responsibility for our lives is something that is talked about quite a lot in the spiritual community, but like so many parts of our spiritual journey…it’s complicated.

Something so easy sounding, something so common sense, really is befuddling. It’s like when I first started exploring my spirituality and  I would read or hear about how I should “know myself.” What does that even mean? I’m with myself ALL. THE. TIME! How could I not know myself?

And yet, after years of studying myself and the world, now I get it. It takes time and dedication to the spiritual path for these concepts to dawn on us. It takes time for us to not just know something logically, but to know it in our being.

Have you ever been caught up feeling like someone else isn’t responding the way you want them to? Or like they should be doing this or that so that you can be validated? Or so that you could feel heard, understood, or respected?

Let me give you an example….

In the past year there have been several influential people who I felt like didn’t see me. Didn’t they see how much potential I had? Why would they think I’m not worth their time? The other day, this happened again with a spiritual leader that I really respect. My spiritual practice has taught me over the years that when something comes up a few times, it’s time to listen. It’s time to have a sit down with myself.

Taking personal responsibility happens, like most things, in layers. As soon as we peel back one layer and come to a deeper understanding, another appears. And the longer you are on the spiritual path, the more subtle the lessons become (*psst*….spoiler alert* The learning? It never stops. I know! I mean, really. This had me pretty pissed off for a while. I thought I deserved enlightenment after 15+ years, but apparently it takes a little longer than that.)

This is a life-long path, and I’m committed to it. So I started to ask myself:

When was the first time I felt like I wasn’t worth someone’s time and energy?

Dad.

And from there the floodgates opened up to a whole host of realisations about how I was looking to these other people (people who didn’t even resemble my father in any way shape or form–except that I saw them as influential) to see me, to understand me, to make me feel worthy of their time when in reality “I am the maker of the happiness and love within me.”

And now? I can choose a different path. I can start to shift this pattern which is causing me suffering.

You, my friend can do exactly the same, if you are committed to doing the hard work of looking within. It takes ongoing dedication, but hey, at least we’re in this together! Like literally-because we are all One, after all….but that leads to a whole new labyrinth of philosophical pondering and as Pueblo said “It did not happen overnight.”

 

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